Guillain-Barre Syndrome: My Story
- Alissar Dalloul
- Jun 5, 2022
- 3 min read
Updated: Jul 12, 2022
I like to call it the story of "How a Vaccine Changed My Life"...
Now you may be thinking this is just another remark regarding the Covid Vaccine; however, I am referring to either the HPV or the flu vaccine. One of these two vaccines have been considered to be the cause for the demyelinating disorder I have known as Guillain-Barre Syndrome, or GBS. As you may be aware, I missed a month of my sophomore year due to my diagnosis with Guillain-Barre Syndrome on September 18, 2020. Although I had been physically absent for only a month, I had been emotionally absent for a longer time. Most of my hospital memories had been suppressed, whether due to the morphine or intentionally. Returning and adjusting to the new norm of COVID as well as frequent paralysis was (totally surprising!) not an easy task.
It was exhausting, and still is. Remembering what I my body had gone through had a severe mental toll on me; it changed my personality, perhaps only slightly, and made me more anxious in terms of school. It was difficult to be the same, happy, naïve, optimistic person I like to think I was before what I had gone through. Truth be told, the high school social environment wasn’t the most accommodating as I returned. However, I had missed seeing my friends. I had been in a hospital for a month, with only one parent allowed per time, with no sister stepping foot in my room full of monitors and medications, with nurses circulating, with procedures and tests, and with disbelieving doctors claiming I was too young to have this disease.
I still couldn’t fathom the idea of my own body attacking my immune system, damaging my nerves, and paralyzing me. If my body attacks me, how is it possible to defend myself against anyone? I vividly remember my first night, the day I got a spinal tap. Just before the procedure, I texted my teacher, “I should be back Wednesday, latest!” Little did I know, I should’ve said THREE Wednesdays. So, at 3am, I had an epidural (that didn’t work). As the residents pushed the long, pointy, painful needle, in my lumbar, I felt different. I was curled up into a fetal position as they poked and prodded the place which protects the nerve routes that connect to my entire body, traveling from my spinal cord all the way down to my legs. I was crying, and I still don’t know it was from the pain, the fear, or the subconscious fact that they could metaphorically see every part of me. A simple procedure that is supposed to take 15 minutes, took two hours.
Nevertheless, in this symbolic sense, my experience showed that life pokes and prods you in many ways; however, it is how you recover which highlights your character. I relearned how to walk, how to swallow, how to take a shower, and this feat is an incredible accomplishment. I didn’t allow my diagnosis to prevent me from attending Teams every day (regardless of whether I actually remember the classes). I continued to do the assignments and stay on track.
As a student, the truth is, I don’t know if this debilitating experience had a negative or positive impact. I most definitely had some catching up to do, and it was undoubtedly tiring. Waking up in the morning and realizing you don't have feeling in your left foot is simply put, demoralizing. However, this test of endurance motivated me to recognize just how incredible and how fortunate I am. With the support of my family, I powered through an unfathomable experience, which aided me in realizing my ceaseless passion and work ethic despite such odds. Coming back to ‘normal life’ pushed me to work harder, and I was determined to be better, in all aspects: school, family, relationships, passions, extracurriculars. So, to me, this circumstance cannot be categorized in either a negative or positive box. Despite a few stutters in my academic performance, such missteps are coupled with a deepened appreciation and gratitude for the little things in my life.
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